Monday, March 7, 2011

Not so great week.

You tell yourself that you would know things like if you were pregnant even a little bit. But really you don't always know. I thought I had PMS on crack for the past two months. I'm talking extreme mood swings. I ignored it thinking that I was just super tired from work or it was just Pms. A week ago today I lost a baby I didn't even know I had. I have wanted a baby for so long and I didn't even know it was there. All I can think was did I take a medicine I shouldn't? Was it that Smirnoff I had a month ago? Was it the crazy climbing/ Lifting/ stress that I have had at work? I have cried for a week now and I don't know how to stop. I feel horrible. Everyone says that it is a good thing! It means that things are working now! Im just not seeing the silver lining here. I will be feeling better and then out of nowhere it starts again it hits me like a mack truck. My poor boyfriend is just as upset as I am but he is putting on a good front and trying to be sweet to make me feel better. How can you grieve over something you never knew you had?

Hope all is well