Monday again

My little one,

you would of been here by next week.

But you won't

I find it hard to breathe anymore.

I miss you so much.

I see babies everywhere.

I wanted to get to hold you.

Life isn't fair.

The God I used to believe in isnt always fair I guess.

I dont know how much longer I can take this.

I feel like my heart is missing.

my little one...

It has been Six whole months since you lefts us.

God i miss you so much.

miss is such a little word to describe how my heart is still shattered in tiny pieces.

in a little less than two weeks you would have been here. We would have gotten to meet you. to

count tiny toes and fingers.

argue over who you looked like more.

I carved your name in the tower at ground hog mtn.

I dreamed you were still with me the other night at that all this was just the dream.

I woke up.

i have to remind myself to breathe.

im so tired of pretending i am still alive.

that Renni still exists.

Some days people will say that im not acting like Renni...whats wrong?

Honestly I dont remember her

.

I dont remember waking up and not wishing i could have 5 more minutes worth of dream with

you.

I dont remember having to tell myself to breath or force myself to get up before 3pm...

I am so angry at everything i thought was real

and i am devastated at how everything worked out.

I feel like my heart is missing....

Well i have to go fake being alive.

i just wish i could of held you