Saturday, August 20, 2011

my little one...

It has been Six whole months since you lefts us.
God i miss you so much.

miss is such a little word to describe how my heart is still shattered in tiny pieces.

in a little less than two weeks you would have been here. We would have gotten to meet you. to

count tiny toes and fingers.

argue over who you looked like more.

I carved your name in the tower at ground hog mtn.

I dreamed you were still with me the other night at that all this was just the dream.

I woke up.

i have to remind myself to breathe.

im so tired of pretending i am still alive.

that Renni still exists.

Some days people will say that im not acting like Renni...whats wrong?

Honestly I dont remember her
I dont remember waking up and not wishing i could have 5 more minutes worth of dream with

I dont remember having to tell myself to breath or force myself to get up before 3pm...

I am so angry at everything i thought was real

and i am devastated at how everything worked out.

I feel like my heart is missing....

Well i have to go fake being alive.

i just wish i could of held you

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