I forgot.

I forgot today was Monday.

I forgot to stay up all night crying.

Im sorry.

here.

I am here.

That is the nicest way of putting it.

I miss you so much.

I am empty inside.

Numb.

Almost dead.

You would have been a week old.

It's 2:50 am and Neme is asleep.

I wish I would be hit by a bus

I think it would hurt less.

I am sitting here in the dark

Crying for the 32nd Monday in a row.

Wishing I was normal again.

Wishing life was fair.

I am not ok.

I am Not ok.

I am NOT ok.

I WANT MY BABY .

It has been 32 weeks

21 weeks more than you were allowed to live.

I am finding it hard not to be bitter.

I was at work this morning and I thought of you.

I had to hide in the ladies room until I stopped crying and go back to pretending that I was alive.

This is not living.

I miss you so much

I just don't know how much longer I can live like this.

I <3 you.

The Last Monday

Monday Grace Nemecek.

That is what I would have written as your name this week.

You were a tiny angel when you left me.

I only got to cook you for 9 weeks before you were gone.

We love you so much.

You would have had My uncontrollably curly hair that was your Grandma Dawna's first.

You would have had your Daddy's eyes that are so blue they look like water.

You would have had tiny hands like me,

and

A Perfectly symmetric face.

We would have argued over who's nose you had.

Hopefully mine because its tiny.

You would have loved the same books that I do.

You would have had your Daddy wrapped.

You would have sang and danced

You would have been a princess for Halloween .

Your room would have been pink and teal even though your Grandma says those are Easter colors.

We would have played dress up.

I would have painted our nails to match.

When your were older you would have drove your Daddy crazy with boys.

He would of checked the car top to bottom every time you went to leave just to be sure.

There would have been report cards and school plays.

We would have shopped for prom dresses and shoes.

You would have loved to read like me and been a great cook like Daddy.

I miss you so much.

I miss who you should have gotten to be.

We both do.

Happy Birthday,