Wednesday, February 8, 2012

What I wish I had known about miscarriage

There are so many things that I wish I had known a year ago.
I wish I had realized that there was a precious being living inside me. 
I wish I had known that you should take pre natal vitamins should be taken BEFORE you try/ get pregnant because sometimes you have no idea you are pregnant.
Here are a few things that I learned that I think others should know

There is NOTHING you can do to prepare yourself for the amount of insanity that follows a miscarriage.

Sometimes these things just happen. It's not your fault. It's not God's fault. Someone once told me that you can't blame God for an act of nature.

On the other hand when I lost Monday I started questioning the whole God thing.
I started questioning EVERYTHING.
I just wanted to melt into nothing and never leave my bed other than to fetch a new bottle of booze.

Name your baby.
You feel less crazy mourning a person than a maybe.

No other baby will ever be the baby you lost.
Another baby will be it's own person and will make you happy but you will always remember the babies you didn't get the chance to keep.

Just because your man isn't having a nervous breakdown in the baby department doesn't mean he isn't sad or that he doesn't care. They mourn differently.
They say that a man doesn't actually bond until they hold their baby. As women we carry them. Grow them. Protect them from day one so we automatically are bonded.

A lot of women experience miscarriage. No one talks about it.
You are not alone.

Once you lose your baby there will be like 400 pregnant people around you. Send gifts ,avoid functions.
There is nothing more traumatic than having to sit through the celebration of another person's successful pregnancy.

That being said. Hold the babies. As a person that has lost 2 babies I need to be able to hold live ones. I need to see that sometimes they survive.

I have 2 friends that were a month a head of me in their pregnancies it is hard as hell to hear about the milestones because all I can think is " Monday would be crawling. She  would laugh. She would be saying  Mama."

Plant a tree or something so you have a place to mourn.
We carved her name in a tower and when we are having an especially hard time we go there.

It takes time to heal.
Take that time.
Don't rush yourself. There is no set amount of time you should be over this.
If someone's child was hit by a bus would expect them to be over it in a month?
You lost a child.
Give yourself that break.

Sometimes I buy those little dollar donation things at stores and write her name on them.

I hope someone finds this helpful


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